Exclusive Interview with MICKI XO

Micki XO is a pop singer-songwriter from Portland, Oregon who longs to share her music and lyrics with others. Relationships, self-love, and mental health are just a few of the subjects she addresses in her music- topics that she has had to directly deal with. She decides to write about these significant issues because music helped her get through her darkest moment and over the other side. One day, she hopes, her music will be able to support someone going through their darkest moment and overcoming their own demons. Her goal is to one day be able to perform all over the world and spread her love of music. She has performed in a variety of venues across the state of Oregon. She is driven and passionate, and believes that nothing brings her greater joy than being able to share her feelings and experiences with others through music.

Have you ever had the feeling that no matter what you do to try and avoid feeling or thinking about the things you don’t want to, you always end up right where you started? Perhaps you’re attempting to avoid the effects of a mental illness, a bad memory, feelings you don’t want to feel, or an impossible goal. Micki XO understands. She penned “Fake Gold” to describe how difficult it was for her to feel like she couldn’t escape the effects of her mental illness and how she struggled with the constant fear that, just as she was beginning to move in the direction of a more normal and healthy life, something would happen to set her right back where she had started. The title refers to her desperate attempt to maintain a normal exterior while struggling with her inner demons. She was imitation gold, shiny on the outside but made of a less expensive metal inside. This delicate yet potent song will make you feel seen and heard with its synth-infused dream pop sound. like you’re not by yourself. Like you’re in a cozy, compassionate hug. Check out the song and the exclusive interview below:

1. Can you tell us a bit about where you come from and how it all got started?

MICKI XO: I’d be happy to! I come from Portland, OR, and have lived in a wide variety of places, from the outskirts of the city, to rurally, to in the city itself. So, I have a wide background of experiences and where I come from. It has shaped me in a lot of ways, and has given me strength in different ways. From the rural living, I learned how to work outside, how to entertain myself and be more self-sufficient, since everything is so far away from you that you kind of have to learn how to do that. From city living, I’ve learned how to live in small spaces and get along with others, as the city very much has a lack of space and you don’t want to rub those around you the wrong way. From both, I’ve learned to work with what skills I have and use it to elevate my processes as much as possible. For example, I’ve learned I write best out in nature, where I’m more secluded, while I’ve learned I enjoy playing shows much more in the city, because of the type of crowds that gather there, and the overall atmosphere. I think it typically fits my music better and the person I am as an artist. As an artist, Portland specifically has shaped me in a lot of ways. We call it the “biggest small town”, because even though Portland has grown into one of the biggest and well-known cities in the US, it’s incredibly small at the same time. Everyone in the music scene knows everyone, and it’s incredibly interconnected. I absolutely love this, because it makes me feel so comfortable that when I meet someone new, we likely have music acquaintances and friends in common, so it makes breaking the ice much easier. You also just get this sense of like, almost family from this as well. It’s way more fun to play shows that you know friends will also be playing, or that you can go support their shows and they can support yours. It’s a big sense of community and inclusiveness that makes the music scene so amazing here. It’s actually how I got started in music! A friend of a friend heard me sing at a karaoke bar, and introduced me to my producer who produced my first 6 tracks. We started our first track in the beginning of 2020 during COVID. This was largely because I was hugely into the karaoke scene, but with COVID, that all went away. I wanted to continue music, so I contacted the producer, and my music journey as an artist began!

2. Did you have any formal training or are you self-taught?

MICKI XO: I’m 90% self-taught. To be honest, I don’t know how to read sheet music or music theory, but I knew how to keep rhythm and write poetry. From there, I started just doing ear training. I took a handful of voice lessons, probably around 10, but everything else up to this point in my career is completely self-taught. I really enjoy learning new things and challenging myself. So, anyone out there with advice on things I should learn, send them my way! Currently, I’m learning a bit about live sound engineering!

3. What do you feel are the key elements in your music that should resonate with listeners, and how would you personally describe your sound?

MICKI XO: This is a great question, and my favorite one to answer, because it’s the core of why I do music. I want listeners to feel understood, not alone, and like they have an ally in their struggles. Especially when it comes to mental illness. I have struggled with mental illness my whole life, and it can be incredibly isolating. I’m Bipolar, and I didn’t know anyone else who was Bipolar. Loved ones around me would try to help, but they just didn’t understand, and that’s what I really needed. I felt so ugly on the inside. I would constantly journal about how I was a monster and that I should put others out of the misery of having to deal with me and my crumbling mentality. These feelings are what inspired my latest track: “Fake Gold”. I strongly encourage anyone feeling this way to listen to this track. If nothing else, I hope you’ll feel like someone out there understands you. If you listen, please reach out and tell me if it helped. That’s my main goal in music. I felt this way when I heard a song one day – “Control” by Halsey, and just that feeling of having someone out there – even if they’re a stranger you’ll likely never meet – that understood these feelings I had was amazing. It was a huge game changer for me. On top of that, it was someone that is successful, and it made me feel like may I could be successful myself one day. She has the same limitations, and she could do it, why couldn’t I? I want to make someone else feel that way. I want you to know you can do anything, and that I’ll be rooting you on. I want you to know you’re not alone and you ARE enough.

4. For most artists, originality is first preceded by a phase of learning and, often, emulating others. What was this like for you? How would you describe your own development as an artist and music maker, and the transition towards your own style, which is known as POP?

MICKI XO:

When I first started, I actually wrote the lyrics to my first song in about 10 minutes with no beat. This is still how I start my process for most of my songs. I was a poet before becoming a musician, so lyrics are very important to me. When it comes to beats, I usually work with a producer and have an ear out for what songs inspire me instrumentally. When I first started, I would bring inspiration songs to a producer, and we would create something along the same lines, but that was also completely different. Now, what I do is find little pieces of songs – a beep, a chord pattern – and then think of how I want to use it in a different tempo, style, or with effects to really make it different and unique. I also try to incorporate weird sounds in my songs now. For example, in “War”, my producer and I used the sound of a drill drilling that you can hear in the background of the last section of the song. It’s a fun challenge that I think really elevates my work and makes it next level. I started out not really knowing what sound I wanted, and honestly, I wouldn’t put my sound into any certain box. I think it all fits under the umbrella of pop, but some of it has more of a rock sound, like my debut single, and some of it is more cosmic and dream pop sounds. I make music that sounds good to me and makes me feel happy. It’s about the story I’m telling, and if a hard, rock type sound fits that, then I’ll go that way. If a synth-dream pop sound fits the narrative, then I’ll go that direction. It’s all about what make sense with the lyrics and story for me.

5. What’s your view on the role and function of music as political, cultural, spiritual, and/or social vehicles – and do you try and affront any of these themes in your work, or are you purely interested in music as an expression of technical artistry, personal narrative, and entertainment?

MICKI XO:

Oh my goodness! Music and entertainment play a HUGE role in these things. I think art in general shapes them so much. If you look at influences like John Lennon and the Beatles, you’ll see the way they discussed politics and led movements on a large scale. I think music is such an important vehicle for change. It used to be so taboo to even say anything about taking medications or mental health, and while we still have a long way to go, there are so many songs that talk about it in detail. I’m a huge fan of rap, and if you look at how rap has changed over the last few decades, it’s astounding! It started out as a way of grief over social injustices, then it developed into how tough and wealthy the rappers were. After 50 got shot 9 times, and It was hard to top that, rappers like Kanye West and Lupe Fiasco came in and took a more artistic approach to talk about politics, social constructs, and emotions. Things that were taboo before in rap songs. And that’s just one genre! I think that music is extremely influential, and a great vehicle for change. It’s personally helped me more than I can ever say with confronting my mental illness and making me realize that I’m not alone and there’s a community of people that understand and can help me and advise me. I definitely put these themes in my music. I talk about domestic violence. I talk about mental illness. I talk about some of the darkest parts of my life, but it’s all for the good of changing things for the better. For creating a world where mental illness isn’t something to be ashamed about, but can sometimes be a super power, if used correctly. I think saying that that’s the only reason behind my interest in music isn’t fair. It is definitely the biggest reason why I love music and create it, but I think there’s more to it than that. For me, it’s like therapy. I can get all my dark and ugly things out in the form of music, so in person I can be happy and bubbly. People often tell me that I’m so different from what I write about, and while I know they mean well, that’s not true. It’s all a part of me. Music saves me every day and gives me purpose, so I want to make my music have a purpose to others. You could say it’s both a selfish and selfless love of mine.

6. Do you feel that your music is giving you back just as much fulfillment as the amount of work you are putting into it or are you expecting something more, or different in the future?

MICKI XO:

You ask such brilliant questions! I think like any artist, it’s hard when you’re first starting out. You’re getting your name out there and the build is always slow. As much as Hollywood makes it seem like it happens overnight, it really doesn’t. It takes a team, it takes people that believe in you and love you, and it takes SO much time, energy, money, and work. I probably am not alone in sometimes pondering this question as an artist. It’s hard sometimes to not get caught up in the numbers, especially when you’re surrounded by other talented artist that you feel are doing better than you in certain areas. But, my answer to this question always remains the same: yes, it is. As I mentioned earlier, it’s my therapy. It gives me a healthy and productive way to get out the emotions I’m thinking. And that’s priceless. You can’t put a price on piece of mind. It has shaped me as a person and become almost an identity for me. I think there’s always more I can be doing, but I’m doing my absolute best, and that’s all I can ask for. I never was in it for the fame, fortune, etc. I’m a musician and songwriter because it’s important to me, and I can’t picture my life without it. Sometimes, I feel like it gives me more than I give it.

7. With social media having a heavy impact on our lives and the music business in general, how do you handle criticism, haters, and/or naysayers in general? Is it something you pay attention to, or simply ignore?

MICKI XO:

I think the stereotypical answer is “just ignore it” or “I don’t pay attention to haters” but I think it’s somewhere in the middle. If you don’t listen to people’s criticism, then you probably won’t improve. However, the most important part of this is to know what to ignore and what to listen to. Is the criticism constructive? If not, then it’s probably someone jealous or angry at the world taking it out on you. The key is being able to figure out what you should listen to and what you shouldn’t. Sometimes, your style isn’t for everyone, so you have to stay true to you, but I don’t think it hurts to listen to the right people’s critiques and advice.

8. What has been the most difficult thing you’ve had to endure in your life or music career so far?

MICKI XO: I think it’s the unknown. In so many career paths, there’s sort of a plan you follow. College, internships, entry level jobs, etc. In music, it’s so vastly different for each artist. It depends on so many things: your personal message, your reasons for being in the industry, who you know, what you know…it’s extremely individualized. It’s exciting and frustrating all at the same time. You can get advice from other artists or artists with more experience, but their answer is unique to them, so you can really only listen and consider it as you move forward. You can’t guarantee that their experience will be yours – because it almost always isn’t. Their fans perceive and love them for certain reasons, and your fans perceive and love you for certain reasons. There’s no right answer sometimes, and that can be very scary when you’re putting in all this time and effort and work. You just have to trust that it will work out, and for me, that can be very difficult and scary.

9. On the contrary, what would you consider a successful, proud or significant point in your life or music career so far?

MICKI XO: There are so many! I think my most proud moment so far was performing for over 150 people at my first solo show at The Barn at Hickory Station in Albany, OR. There were all ages there, and to see people connecting with me and my music like that was incredible. I had a handful of people ask me for my autograph and/or to take picture with me, and that was just amazing. I couldn’t believe it, to be honest! One of the best movements was an 8 year old boy who asked for my autograph and a photo, and his parents said he was absolutely enamored with me and thought I was so cool. I’ve never felt something like that before, and it made me realize what an impact I had. Unforgettable for sure.