Exclusive Interview with MYCLOWNSHOES

Floyds Knobs, Indiana-based nonbinary and autistic artist Blue is the creator of myclownshoes. When they were twelve years old, they started to make music. On the occasion of the fourth anniversary of LDWHD, they are returning from a protracted hiatus with a single titled “my deepest truth” to commemorate their identity, transition, and the progress they have made in their relationship with their music. June 9th, 2024 saw the release of their second album. Check out the exclusive Interview below:

1.Can you tell us a bit about where you come from and how it all got started?

MYCLOWNSHOES: I grew up in Floyds Knobs, Indiana, a tiny town across the river from Louisville, KY. I have always loved to sing and grew up in the church choir, writing songs on the old Casio keyboard my siblings and I shared. In middle school, I started taking music more seriously and was in and out of various little bands that my schoolmates put together. I would post small snippets of songs I had written online and live stream myself playing covers. In high school, I started working with a producer in a nearby town and recorded my first song, “BLUE,” in 2015. At first, I mostly posted covers on SoundCloud, but as time went on, I really wanted to learn how to share my own experiences and point of view through my music.

2. Did you have any formal training or are you self-taught?

MYCLOWNSHOES: I haven’t had much formal training, just a few vocal lessons here and there when I was a teenager. I was also in a band coaching program when I was in middle school which taught me a lot about fronting a band. Otherwise, I grew up teaching myself how to play piano, guitar, and sing. I have always loved experimenting with instruments and learning by playing. I have taught myself how to (minimally) play mandolin, banjo, ukulele, and viola as well. The most recent instrument I have taught myself how to play is bass, which I play live.

3. Who were your first and strongest musical influences and why the name ‘MYCLOWNSHOES?

MYCLOWNSHOES: When I was a kid, my brother would make me mix CDs with artists like CAKE, Fiona Apple, and Tenacious D. I found myself very drawn to their ability to embrace absurdity in their lyricism while also holding space for heavier topics. I think that the emotional intimacy of Fiona’s music in particular really affected me as a songwriter even in my earliest attempts at finding my own voice.

I chose the name ‘myclownshoes’ when I was 18, it was a sort of inside joke between my friends and I and was the working title of my first album. I was trying to embrace the chaos of my life at the time and accept that sometimes I was just going to “have my clown shoes on” and make mistakes. I guess it was my way of taking ownership of my actions even if I looked like I was playing the fool. Needing the approval of others is something I really struggled with for a long time, but I think this kind of “do what you want even if you look stupid” attitude towards my art and life in general has really helped me work through that.

4. For most artists, originality is first preceded by a phase of learning and, often, emulating others. What was this like for you? How would you describe your own development as an artist and music maker, and the transition towards your own style, which is known as POP?

MYCLOWNSHOES: I went through many phases of experimentation and still am. I love trying new things and creating different kinds of music. In my teen years, I was drawn to an R&B/pop sound. Writing those songs taught me a lot, and I experimented with how I used my voice. I feel like that exploration will never end for me—I want to keep growing and changing as an artist forever. In the vague rock-esque genre Max and I are currently nestled in, there is a lot to play with, which excites me.

5. What’s your view on the role and function of music as political, cultural, spiritual, and/or social vehicles – and do you try and affront any of these themes in your work, or are you purely interested in music as an expression of technical artistry, personal narrative, and entertainment?

MYCLOWNSHOES:

I really don’t think there is a way to create music that doesn’t relate to culture or politics, especially when contextualized against the artist themselves. Personally, I have explored themes of transness, mental illness, autism, and social acceptance. My music also heavily features themes of religion and spirituality. I love how these elements can be interwoven, creating something both entertaining and technically challenging to perform. Having something to say is a pillar of my art, and without the social and cultural context, I think the message can become diluted.

6. Do you feel that your music is giving you back just as much fulfillment as the amount of work you are putting into it or are you expecting something more, or different in the future?

MYCLOWNSHOES:

I hope to keep growing my catalog, attract new listeners, and curate a space with my audience. Regardless of the outcome, the act of creation is very fulfilling for me. At this point, having more people to share it with is the goal. Community is everything.

7. Could you describe your creative processes? How do usually start, and go about shaping ideas into a completed song? Do you usually start with a tune, a beat, or a narrative in your head? And do you collaborate with others in this process?

MYCLOWNSHOES: There are many ways a song can start to take shape for me. Sometimes Max (co-composer/producer) will send me a guitar track he came up with, or we will brainstorm a vibe or narrative first. Other times, I will have the beginning of a song written on my phone that I expand upon. I am constantly jotting down one-off lyrics to use as inspiration later. Sometimes I will send Max voice memos of me playing my guitar, which he then turns into something more polished. It is definitely a team effort, and our processes can be quite eclectic.

8. What has been the most difficult thing you’ve had to endure in your life or music career so far?

MYCLOWNSHOES: When I came out as trans and began my transition, I initially thought I could keep my old name for my music career. However, I soon realized that I was not as comfortable with that decision as I had expected. I felt like I was risking everything I had built by choosing a different name, and it was really scary. I still get deadnamed and misgendered by fans, and although I don’t hold any animosity towards them, it is still hard to deal with. Ultimately, this was what led to my hiatus from 2020 until now (aside from the pandemic halting the promotion of my first album). Even though the album was well-received, I felt invisible. Everything I saw praised a “new female artist,” which made me feel disconnected from my own success.

I am very happy with my decisions to take a break and change my name. I am more comfortable with myself and have much thicker skin than when I started. I also feel more mentally prepared to handle whatever my career throws at me.

9. Creative work in a studio or home environment, or interaction with a live audience? Which of these two options excites you most, and why?

MYCLOWNSHOES: As much as I love being in the studio and creating, performing is always such a rush for me. Being able to play the music we’ve worked so hard on for people who want to share that space with us is incredibly rewarding. My album “Tantrum” was written to be played live and to put on an entertaining and engaging show. There’s just nothing like being on stage, and I’ve felt that way since I was a kid.

10. Do you think is it important for fans of your music to understand the real story and message driving each of your songs, or do you think everyone should be free to interpret your songs in their own personal way?

MYCLOWNSHOES: For the most part, I share what I’m comfortable sharing within the music itself. One of the things I love most about music is its ability to adapt to your own experiences through listening. I think my music brings a lot of people comfort in that way—relatable but open to interpretation. The important thing to me is conveying a feeling or emotional process for others to experience, rather than offering up the whole story.